The other night, while out, I tried to discreetly take a pic so someone, in a relatively dark room.
My flash went off….
I have a little bit of time, so here goes my randoms: there’s irony in that the time of year set aside for thankfulness and Joy, is also the time of year most people suffer with depression the most…I can’t say no, esp to the people working the kiosks in the mall. I saw someone waiting on me, and in my head I said “girl tell him NO!”. I ended up yelling NO as I sped walked/ran past him like a lunatic. I’m sure people laughed at me. I was so out of breath…how do people exercise in the winter?….muffin doesn’t have pneumonia anymore Praise Jesus…and I didn’t catch it!!…I’m learning how to cut people out of my life. It’s a hard process I think because I have really real abandonment issues AND I just don’t like to quit. So I keep people around way longer than I should. But like I said, I’m learning…super pumped about the weekend because it’s all about hanging out with friends…as a short girl, hugs are extremely sexy. To be all “enveloped” in him is wow. And if you add a forehead kiss?! Got me blushing just thinking about it….I’m pretty sure I’m walking into a super dope season in my life. I promise to remember the little people when I do…I look forward to Thanksgiving morning not only Bc I love all the noise and commotion and aromas, but also because I love to harass everyone with watching the thanksgiving day parade and decorating. Can. Not. Wait…..hug a short girl the right way, she deserves it!…and it’s dressing, not stuffing!….sweet potato pie, not pumpkin pie….
I love this time of year so much!! Walking through the mall, Christmas music playing…everyone so festive and happy, couples holding hands, children laughing….homes lit up with Christmas lights, music, trees….smelling like cookies and egg nog and thanksgiving dinner…family and friends dropping by, staying up late cooking and laughing and canoodling…this season reminds me of hope and love. I can’t wait to see what’s in store….
Have you ever slept next to someone that sleeps with their eyes open?! Oh my goodness!! It is so scary!!
You can’t see that, and then fall asleep. It keeps playing over and over in your mind…
Snuggles, chocolate kisses and bottle of wine…
There is comfort in cuddling…
I was completely disappointed in myself today. I was rushing earlier, ran out of time (didn’t truly prepare, if you wanna know the truth) and ended up with McDonald’s as my only option for lunch.
I felt like a complete and utter loser as I slowly made my way towards the drive thru. I stared at the board, as if I didn’t already know what were my options, willing myself to believe that something new had been added. I stared. And stared. And stared.
I tried as best I could to find the most healthy option out of all the unhealthy options. In other words, the healthiest unhealthy option.
I chuckled, even though nothing was funny, as I realized, I would do this same thing on election day. A total reenactment would take place.
I’ll slowly make my way to the polls, and stare at the ballot, as if I didn’t already know my options, and will myself to believe that someone new had been added. It will truly be, history repeating itself, at least for me.
I was up with the youngest muffin in the middle of the night. His cough was bothering me, and he had a fever. He wanted crackers…the first real “food” he wanted since he got home from school that day, so I scoured the city for crackers. After my second gas station said they were out, I shook my fist to the sky.
Finally found some, made it back home, and doctor’d on him for a little bit.
Then, out of no where, the alarm clock goes off. I stumbled through my house like a zombie with one eye open, getting the oldest together, who then asked me, could I take him later (Late start at school). I said yes, because a couple extra minutes of sleep sounded glorious.
I wasn’t thinking straight. Those few extra minutes of sleep was another round of up and down, that I had done since about 2:30 am. Which only added to the sleepy.
So anyway, my hair, which was clearly a “Pick your afro daddy, cuz it’s flat on one side” situation, needed the attention I could not give. So I plopped my CAVS Championship hat over it, threw on a hoodie over a dress and some flip flops, one eye still open, and drove the oldest to school. Had I had about two more minutes of sleep I would’ve been embarrassed at my appearance.
He talked incessantly. I could barely respond.
On my way home…that’s when it happened. I saw Bambi. She was at the curb, looking around. Normally I slow down and wait, because where there is one, there is another.
But not today. Today, I was too tired. I looked at Bambi and said “You come out here if you want to! You will be my dinner!! And you better tell yo homies, wherever they are lurking, that ya’ll got a live one today because I am not slowing down at all!! So stay put!” I may or may not have called her some bad names. And I may or may not have shook my fist at her.
She just looked at me. I drove my normal speed, right past her. Because I am one tired G!
I had a dream last night about my Uncle Mordechi.
We were reunited, and I began to tell him how much I love him and missed him. I shared with him how he inspired me. It was extremely important to me to share my feelings with him.
I got emotional and began to cry. This caused him to get a little choked up. He dabbed his eyes and hugged me. It was a long beautiful hug.
I woke up feeling a little emotional. And peaceful.
The only thing is….
I don’t have an Uncle Mordechi!! I don’t even KNOW a Mordechi!! None of my friends have introduced me to an Uncle Mordechi!
After the peaceful feeling from my dream subsided, I laid there and my smile slowly dissolved into a furrowed brow and twisted up lips. “WHO THE HECK IS MORDECHI?!” I asked out loud.
I don’t know. But at least now he knows I loved him…