Some people are so dumb they don’t even know they’re stupid…
The weather was so nice yesterday, I decided to start putting out my lawn furniture. I always wash down my front porch, and this year had the bright idea to use a mop and bucket to soap up the walls before hosing it down. So the muffins and I are washing and setting things up and they’re spraying each other, having a good time.
(I would like to take this time to note: before we went outside I asked if they were hungry, and they both said no. 35 seconds after we walked into the garage, they were all of a sudden famished!! How that happen?)
Anyway, we did enough to work up a good appetite. So, as I walked into the house to prepare their dinner plates, I said make sure you all clean up, close the garage and come on in….to which they replied, ok.
So imagine my surprise, when I ran out the house hours later to run to the store, when I saw the MOP AND BUCKET sitting smack dab in the middle of the FRONT LAWN, straight like a house with no training!! That mop and bucket made us look like we don’t brush our teeth every day, or we yell at each other from down the street, or we belch the alphabet in front of company. I was so embarrassed!!
I would like to apologize to my neighbors…
Anybody else’s parent makes up text short hand, doesn’t announce or explain it, and acts like you should automatically know what they are trying to say?
My mother will text a PARAGRAPH, and reference “wb” 15 times. “WB” could mean, “will be”, “won’t be”, “why be”, “white black”, “wilder beast”, “why bother”, “what brother”, “what bye”, “whine bacon”, “wish bash”…..and I’m like “HUH?!”.
And she replies “what time will you be here? DUH!”
She need a texting class!…
I am 62 inches, which equates to 5 foot 2 (I googled this to make sure).
In the pool yesterday…I had a noodle (floating device) under my arms, and the water immediately began to drift me towards the 5 foot area. Well why did it do that? I started flapping and flailing. I mean, I flipped out. Splashing water everywhere. I think I screamed, but I can’t be sure. I started praying, like “God I know you didn’t bring me this far to leave me! You gone let me die in a pool?! There are still things I haven’t done yet!”. I was holding my breath, although I don’t have a valid reason why. I tried to make eye contact with ANYONE in the pool so that my eyes could relay the “Please tell me love muffins that I love them!” message, before I sank to my death.
I looked at this one guy. I would have a preferred a mom because I know she would have gotten the message quicker. But he was all I had. So I focused and prepared to give this telepathic message all I had, when he said in the most dead pan voice EVER “Stand up”.
And I did.
And I wasn’t drowning to my death in anymore.
WITH THAT being said…would anyone like to teach me how to swim?…