Random #417

I certainly appreciate that a few of my favorite food spots such as Panera and Starbucks now offer the order online, walk right up to the cashier, skip the long line and get your food option.
HOWEVER, I refuse to do that in Chipotle. I do not trust them to put an adequate amount of corn salsa OR cheese on my chicken bowl unless I am standing there giving them the “Try me if you wanna” across the sanctuary church mother glare that pauses even the worst kids’ actions.
WHY are they so selfish with the cheese?! WHY!?! Do they grow it in their backyards?! GIMME THE CHEESE! I WANT THE CHEESE!

Random #416

And while I’m talking about wrong being so loud right now, below is a portion of my complaint letter to Giant Eagle:

I was recently in your establishment, trying to pick up a few things on my lunch hour (If you could not be all Walmart in the head and open up a few more registers that would be GREAT!). As I entered the breakfast meat, deli aisle, I allowed my excitement to take me into a quick dance, as I always do (it’s a part Mary J Blige stomp fused with a little nae nae. I usually throw in the roger rabbit and the running man. Sometimes the snake. It’s awesome). My dance came to a screeching halt as I got to the bacon. I didn’t get past the nae nae! WHAT IN THE HAM SAMMICH ARE YA’LL THINKING?!?! There was way more “Turkey Bacon” (which will now be referred to as “blech” for the remainder of this letter) than there was regular delicious pork bacon. Real Bacon! All of the blech was on sale. But not the real stuff.

Listen. I will never patronize a Giant Eagle again if this situation is not rectified immedgiately. That’s right: immedgiately. I will not spend my hard earned money in a place that would be so bold as to have NO regard for my taste buds. GIVE ME THE PORK BACON!!

Sincerely
A concerned customer

Random #415

You ever wonder why wrong is way louder than right? Sin is running rampant and the church is timid and quiet. Cheaters and adulterers are loud and arrogant, those that are faithful are quiet. Murderers run the streets and boast. The good guys find it difficult to strum up some noise. Liars KEEP lying. Honesty is quiet. Sexual Immorality is demanding to be accepted, and those living right have to worry about being PC or non offensive.
Why?

Random #411

Took a peak at my dvr yesterday…wanted to know why it was on 1%. The youngest love muffin is now dvr-ing college football, professional football, soccer, wwe wrestling, and nascar racing.
I’m going to have to pull him to the side and explain tv dvr courtesy. With the nba season set to start soon I am not going to have any room for Victor Newman and The Young and the Restless. And THAT will be a problem…

Random #410

I called my mom last night to ask her would she come clean my house. I had my speech all prepared, complete with begging.
She was sleep. I’ll try again today.
Pray church…

Random #408

I legit just fell out of my office chair, trying to catch the baggie of grapes I was snacking on!
This never would have happened with pork bacon!!
Is it time to go yet?