Random #349

When frying chicken…if you keep one hand on your hip while dropping/tending to the chicken, it will taste better. Actually it’s gotta be more like your fist on the back of your hip…like somebody’s grandma.

Also, if you dance around the kitchen to Beyonce, doing the uh oh uh oh uh oh uh oh while the chicken fries, your kids will look at you like you’ve lost your mind…

Random #348

When my children were younger, I was forced to be a morning person. Now, I’m out of practice. When my alarm goes off I am shocked and appalled that this thing would dare shake me from my slumber. If my alarm was not my iPhone I would throw it against a brick wall and roll back over for more sleep. I feel disgusted. I once had a friend that admitted that she cried every morning when her alarm went off. I laughed at the time. Now, I truly get it. I mean…I’m thankful to see another day…but I wanna see it on my own time, not the alarm clock time…

Random #347

For all you wig wearers…

When you have on the stocking cap…before the wig is placed on, but after your make-up has been applied…do you feel like you are so prettily put together, you could be a real contender in a drag-queen contest?

Naw? Me neither….

Random #345…

If you can sit still when you hear a Michael Jackson song, you might as well be dead! I Mary J Blige stomped all over Heinens when Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough came on! And I could dance freely because the boys weren’t there to stifle my greatness. Some old lady dressed like Mary Poppins was getting it with me in the cereal aisle. Sometimes, you just gotta dance…

Random #344…

Heard a great sermon, Fight For Your Family by Van Moody. Youtube it and listen. Whatever status you may be right now. It’s worth the listen. AND the application! Fight for your family!! Even when it’s hard. Don’t be quitter. Fight for your family…

Random #342

I’ve been so sick lately. Sent the boys with their aunties to go to the movies. I left instructions on what to do when they got home. Didn’t know I needed to add “let me know you’re home” (their aunties didn’t bother to let me know either). So I woke up out of a Nyquil haze hours later and there was money on the nightstand. I kept thinking “what did I do?!” The money was change from the movies, but that didn’t compute. I tried to piece together everything, but I couldn’t. I didn’t hear any noise so I figured the boys weren’t home yet. I said “Oh well” and laid back down.

Thanks Nyquil…

Random #341

I’m asking for a friend…if your (admittedly young) child hears Biggie on the radio, and asks is he an “indie rapper”….are you as a parent doing something right? Or wrong?…

Random #340

Fever, sore throat, no voice…and a skunk tagged my house. In a serous way. It’s so bad I almost checked to see if Pepe Lepew was in my house. But in my mind’s eye, I could see him chasin my sick self around my house. So I’m forcing myself to feel confident that he is outside…

Random #338

If I wake up in the middle of the night, all my energy is used to NOT look at the clock. I know that, no matter what time it is, if I look at the clock, I will only have 30 more seconds before my alarm goes off…

Random #337

Back in the day, if an African-American woman got hair added to her head…weaves, wigs, pieces, braids…we knew we had to explain to our co-workers what changed from the day before. And Lord, if you got kinky twists or faux locs, you had to explain the whole African, Caribbean back story of the style. Some of us went the sarcastic route and said “It grew overnight” with the obligatory side eye. Some of us were more politically correct and tried to explain “It’s just a different style…yes hair was added…no my neck isn’t tired…no it’s not too heavy…no you can’t touch it“. And some walked in with such an attitude they were scared to ask. Instead they chose to ask the other African American’s in the office, leaving them to explain….

But in 2015, I thought things would be different. I am here to tell you, at least in my neck of employment, we ain’t progressed far enough. Because the male co-workers have questions. I am two seconds from taking off this hair and throwing it at them and telling them to stop asking me questions!!…

Random #336

Dear Chipotle…

I really do appreciate the “order online and walk right in and get your food and pay and leave” option. It is intended to avoid the line. BUT…..adding a “order online and walk right in and get your food and pay and leave” register…so that I won’t have to stand in a line anyway…otherwise, it’s kinda defeating the purpose…

Random #333

Why have television seasons gotten so short? Winter season finale, Fall season finale, half a finale, a finale on a two week season. What the heck? Just show me the doggone show! 

And while I’m talkin ’bout television, don’t show me what’s “Coming up Next” after the commercial break, on a half hour show!..

Random #332

No shade at all…but I see big(ger) people jumping around, seemingly light on their feet and I can’t even do jumping jacks. How does this work?…