Random #331

I started a new blog for my sisters! I’ve prayed over it the way old school baptist churches pray over new robes! The way deacons pray during “devotion”. The way old people pray over a meal! The way I pray over my fat melting off in sheer miracle fashion!! I’m excited! Go check it out. www.heysis.org 

God is opening doors is a big way! Yay!…

Random #330

Every school morning I drop the oldest off at school first, as his start time is before the youngest. If we are running on schedule, I give the youngest the option of me taking him to school or riding the school bus. The following conversation happened this A.M…

Me: You want me to take you to school or ride the bus?

Youngest: You

Me: You haven’t wanted to ride the bus in a while. Is everything ok?

Youngest: Yes it’s fine. I just like riding with you *He looks at me and smiles

*I promise, not only did my heart swell up, tears pooled in my eyes as I looked back at him and smiled. So many thoughts swirled through my head in that moment, of the love we share for each other, and the way we both like to spend time with each other…

Me: You do, huh?

Youngest: Yep. You get me there early. The bus is always late….

Me: ……

Random #326

The oldest to me: hey are we allowed to read your randoms?

Me: umm…..(mentally searches through it to make sure it was ok)… sure

Him: Ok great because I already read it in school. It’s funny!

Me:…

Random #325

Sometimes I wonder…if I cry this much now, what will I do when menopause hits? I can see myself with a hot flash, then crying because of the hot flash, then the hot flash gets hotter because I’m upset, which would make me cry even more. It would be like a never ending cycle…

Random #324

During this morning’s commute conversations with the kiddos I learned, based on scientific experiments, facts and stuff, it is impossible to do #2 without doing #1. Just thought I’d pass it along…

Random #323

When deciding what to purchase at the vending machine, I first assess what product looks like it may not fall, may get caught up in it’s holder and not make it to the bottom of the machine. I cross reference that with what my hankering calls for. I’ve had to learn this art because, in previous vending machine mishaps, I have been the crazy one trying to rock the machine to get my purchase to fall, all while yelling very bad things…

Random #322

I bought a “mat” to sit at the front door. It is designed to hold wet/snowy boots, umbrellas, etc. I explained it to the kids. I said this was to avoid the wet boot pile up at the entrance to the living room. I said this would help us avoid wet socks. I said when you come in put your boots right here. I pointed where “right here” is. I said “ok?”, They responded “ok”. 

Ask me where they put their wet boots?!…

Random #321

At the bank today I was greeted by a pretty girl in a gorgeous pink dress with a lacy neckline. The dress  had a vintage feel, very feminine…everyone complimented her on how pretty she looked. Then she turned around. And her striped panties shown throw the sheer skirt of the dress. Horizontal striped. Navy blue. And all I could think was, somebody’s grandma is gonna walk in here, see her and pull a slip outta her purse and make her put it on…

Random #319

Why is that, when I purchase something at the store, the money is automatically deducted from my bank account, even if “pending”, but if I want to return it, it takes 15 million  days for the money to be returned to my account? Even when I return the item right away? 

Random #318

Dear Grocery Stores EVERYWHERE,

Today is 2/5. The expiration date on the milk says 2/10. I don’t want to purchase milk with an expiration date of 5 days from the date of purchase. Fix this!…

Random #317

The year that Beyonce performed the Superbowl halftime show, I tried to say something and my youngest shut it down real quick. 

“Shhhhh!” He instructed as Beyonce stared seductively into the camera while she sang “She’s singing to me”. He was so serious.

At the time, I laughed. But after seeing Lenny out on that field with that guitar….I get it…