Real live convo I witnessed: a group of strangers were discussing how far they had to drive to get home. One girl had to drive to the next state over. A gentleman said “Oh I have to drive to ______ (the city next to the state). Do you take the turnpike to get home?”. She replies “No I take the greyhound”.
And a hush fell over the crowd….
I woke up at 4:45 in a panic this morning. For some reason I thought I slept past my 6:00 am alarm. I checked that I had not overslept, and that my alarm was set. Then I thought, I’m going to post “It’s nothing like waking up at 4:45, when your alarm is set at 6, and you have a hard time going back to sleep……” I can’t remember the rest because 3 minutes later my alarm went off. I sat straight up and thought “Did I set my alarm for 4:48?! Why would I do that?”. It was 6:00. This will be a multi-coffee day.
So….this week starts 6th grade and 4th grade for my boys. And here is our latest convo:
6th grader- Mom! I WILL be wearing cologne this year! Do you know how many girls are gonna be smelling me?!
4th grader- you mean those hot fine girls??
6th grader- *high fives 4th grader* Dude! Say those sweet words, brotha!!
Me- completely speechless! And major facec palm!!
When you fry pork chops for dinner, then go to a meeting at your kids school, and you smell the pork chops on you…..yea….
I have pretty feet. However….I have really BIG big toes. Like….if you compared my big toes to the rest, it’s like a grape amongst raisins. I don’t know why God made me like that….it’s never stopped me from wearing sandals though….I’m unashamed. I’m only posting this as a random because it has become an issue when I’m wearing pants, bare foot and running up the stairs. My big toe always gets caught in the opposite pants leg and I trip. For years I just figured I was clumsy, but I recently figured out, it’s my toes!! I could feel my big toe getting caught in my pants leg as I scuffle with the stairs, so as not to bust my pretty face. So either I walk, or make sure I have socks on. Because me, bare feet, running, up the stairs, with my BIG big toes, don’t mix. So there you have it: the downfall of the BIG big toe…
SO…..did some back to school shopping today. I had to use the power of “church eye communication” in Old Navy because for some reason the boys thought whining would get them out of trying on clothes. My eyes said “I triple dog dare you to act a fool up in here…up in here!”. They complied. Got lost going to Staples (shut up….I don’t go there often), and that’s where the real fun begins. They wanted to take their lists and shop themselves. Needless to say I had to re-shop because they chose the most expensive of every item. We checked out, all of us a little weary, and went to the car. The Holy Ghost said check your receipt (He be knowing!). Because sure enough I was charged twice for something. So we got back out of the car, the boys ran towards the store, and as soon as my door closed, the Holy Ghost said “You just locked your keys in your car” (He be knowing!!). SO….walked into Staples and tried not to side eye the check out girl who double charged me and put me in this mess in the first place. She corrected her mistake, very apologetic (WHAT do you say when someone says I’m sorry in a situation like this? I could not say “That’s ok” because it was NOT in fact, “ok” I settled on a smile and something like “hey just glad I caught it before I left”) then I asked for the number to the police department. Thank God, they showed up within five minutes and let me in (SN: he didn’t ask for id or anything….is that normal…..he looked like Barbie’s Ken….that’s not normal) and…wait for it….I COULD NOT FIND MY KEYS. I left the car unlocked and went back into Staples to get the boys and told them they needed to help me find the,. I dumped out the Staples bag, my purse…..even the Old Navy bags (why is that when you lose something you start looking in places you know it couldn’t be in). I was THIS close to panic mode, trying to figure out where are my keys, when I saw them….still sitting in the ignition…..
I feel like…when I leave work on Fridays, they should play some kinda music…something for me to walk out to….like a Sherman Hemsley walk….I feel THAT victorious when I leave on Fridays…
By the time I got home yesterday I was pooped!! I was just getting ready to settle onto the couch when the oldest spilled lemonade all over the kitchen floor. Literally, I was mid-sit when I heard the splash. So I broke out the mop, and my tears. I couldn’t risk making him clean it up because the ants have tried their hardest to invade my home all summer. I think they would take lemonade on the floor as an open invitation. SO….I mopped. Then I settled into the couch.
The youngest one comes in about 20 minutes later, saying he wants water. I said, and I quote “Is the floor dry?”. He said, and I quote, “Yes……….oh wait…..”. He left foot prints all the way to the sink and back. SO….I mopped (and he took a shower).
About an hour and half later, I said I want a snack. My flesh wanted double stuffed oreos but the Holy Ghost said watermelon and water. #Shondo! I rebuked my flesh and got a couple chunks of juicy sweet pink cold watermelon and big glass of ice water, and said “Thank you Holy Ghost!”. I put the remainder watermelon back in the fridge and closed the door JUST AS IT FELL BACK OUT ONTO THE FLOOR. I promise I stood and stared and the watermelon and it’s juice on the floor for a good 5 minutes. I could not believe it!! SO….I mopped.
If anybody messes up that floor for AT LEAST the next week they are sleeping on the couch! Myself included…
I sat in an ‘I T’ type meeting this morning for exactly one half of an eternity and I felt like I was in a bad episode of The Big Bang Theory (I was the blonde). It only reaffirmed what I already knew: when someone is talking and I’m bored, I respond ‘uh huh’ with such conviction that not only does the speaker believe that I was listening, but he also asks me questions. Which reaffirms what I already knew: I’m good at wingin stuff. At one point ‘Sheldon’ got so excited about something, and said “make room for the Holy Ghost”, to which I responded, “Shondo!”…..it was that kinda day….
When your family doesn’t accept your natural hair! One brother told me he liked the Charlie Chapman I was rocking….and when I was a redhead, another brother said I looked like Wreck it Ralph. Why won’t they let me be great?!…
At least they didn’t call me Frederick Douglas. So that’s a plus….
I sat in some chocolate….and it melted….and I have on cream and coral pants…..my lesson learned: always look before you leap….CHOCOLATE!!….
It is a prerequisite that your face must not be able to contort into a smile, if you want to work at the post office…
Did I tell y’all about the time I went to get a pedicure, reached for the chair, not knowing it had a slight swivel, and almost ended up in the foot tub water? The little pedicure lady helped to catch me…#clumsy…