Random #198

I am people watching….there is man doing a Mary Kay demonstration…..a man…..and he looks way better than a whole lot of female Mary Kay reps that I know….#fierce #shade

Random #197

Me to the oldest: it is 4:15 in the afternoon! You mean to tell me you been walking around all day lookin ashy?!

Him (with his index finger up): Correction mommy. I chillaxed all day looking ashy. There’s a difference! 

Random #196

I severely overslept this morning. And still managed to get us all showered, dressed and out the door in reasonable time. Problem is now I feel like I’m two steps behind. All day! I’ve had two cups of coffee, 16 oz of ice water….and I’m worried that my head is going to hit my desk with a sleepy thud. In other words, pray saints….

Random #195

Call me crazy….but I don’t understand when people name their ministries after themselves: Vee Ministries….what kind of sense does that make? Deflate your head please…

Random #193

When the oldest was about 2 or 3 he said the ‘d’ word…and used it in the right context. We were so shocked, we asked him where did he learn that word. He said Rosita from Sesame Street taught him the word….it was the Spanish word of the day…

Random #191

Yesterday was a long day! By the time I planted myself in my seat next to my sissy for Bible study at 7, I realized I had not had anything to eat since about 12. I ate a peppermint. Well, they decided to have communion. My stomach was growling. I ate the cracker. I tried not to lick my fingers. When it came time for the juice,….I drained the cup. I think I forgot where I was till I heard sissy say in my ear “did you get it all? Cuz you drinking that like it’s a shot!”….she wouldn’t let it go….”normally there are bubbles in the bottom of the cup. You don’t have bubbles. Your cup is dry!” #embarrassed….. 

Random #190

I should be preparing for tomorrow. Instead I’m laying next to the youngest. He is laughing uncontrollably at some silly cartoon, explaining to me between gasps why its so funny. I don’t get it. But that’s ok. Listening to him laugh, feeling him slap my arm as he howls….it’s what I pretty much live for. Being his mom is dope…

Random #187

So….I ran into an old college gal pal the other day in the gym (no, I was not there to work out) with my kids. We squealed, hugged and did the obligatory catch up stuff. She’s a beautiful woman, and clearly my oldest thought so because he stood very close to her and told jokes and made small talk: FLIRTING!! 

While I’m looking at him, all what the what, trying to figure out why he’s flirting (he’s 11), my youngest, who is 9, whispered something, complete with the talking behind the back of his hand and only moving one side of his mouth. We all said “what?”, already half laughing, thinking it was a joke.  

He repeats himself, much louder this time: when my mom farts, she acts like it wasn’t her and she blames me. 

IMAGINE MY FACE!! This is why I need him to brief me on what he is about to say in public! Unbelievable! So, while everyone else is laughing for real, I am doing the embarrassed chuckle, turning red, and wanting to disappear!….

Random #186

Remember when Aretha Franklin sang the theme song for Different World? And Patti LaBelle sang for the Oprah Show?….Remember when shows had theme songs?….Remember when shows were good?…what happened?…

Random #185

Dear co-worker,

Please only speak to me about work, if we are in fact in the act of co-working. This means, if you see me at lunch, standing in the hallway, walking to my car, within the confines of a closed bathroom stall, etc, lets NOT talk shop. Here’s why: I’m not totally interested in talking shop when we are in the shop. I definitely don’t want to, when we are not in the shop. 

Don’t do it again.