Random #174

We’ve all messed up lyrics to songs (you should hear my version of Montel Jordan’s This is How You Do It). But I just realized that I have messed up lyrics to Gospel songs. Does this mean my worship is not forreal? 

Random #173

So my sis is at some event or other…she is always going somewhere…and in the restroom she washes her hands. The “soap” is out of a “cute container” (which is by some paper cups). Afterwards she’s all like “Gee my hands feel all fresh and tingly”. So she checked the cute container. It was not soap! It was mouthwash!…

And clearly no one had watered it down with water….

Random #172

You know, you have to know your role in life! If it’s not your forte, feel free to admit that, so someone else can complete the task, effectively! Some friends of mine were travelling from the North to the South.

Husband says to wife before the trip: “Bae, I packed some sandwiches for the trip”.

Wife: “Oh! Cool! One less thing I have to worry about. Thanks wonderful adoring husband!”.

As the trip progressed wife realizes, husband only packed one sandwich! And he ate it! 

KNOW YOUR ROLE!! (Every man that read this just laughed. Every woman just went “tsk! One sandwich?! Really?!”).

Random #171

Everybody has celebrity look alikes! Mine is the light skinned Kris from Kris Kross and Prince. I’m feeling some kind of way about this…

Random #170

My Listerine theory was correct!

Me: have you been putting water in the listerine bottle?

Him: (pause…then points finger in the air) Maybe!

We had a whole long convo about why we should NOT put water in liquids for fun. I ended up telling him don’t put water in anything (he has taken the liberty with the liquid soap, which is now not soap at all….more like cloudy water), followed by a convo about lying. What does MAYBE mean?! 

During the convo I kept noticing a smirk or a giggle. I forged ahead, thinking maybe he was still a sleepy or being silly or whatever. When I was done, I turn around and his brother is standing behind me, imitating me. 
THIS is how my morning went…

Random #169

I called Lifetime Fitness a while ago to set up my tour and crap, but SOMETHING (bacon) came up so I didn’t go. They have been blowing my phone up and I was all like “they thirsty”. Until yesterday when I ran into an old friend and we were all flirting and stuff, and then he hugged me and then he called me….fluffy. He meant it as a compliment (I’m sure because his smile was all “mmm hmm” like, but I stepped back all “whet?”), because I have a decade or two before I can enter the fluffy stage. So now I’m thirsty, blowing up Lifetime’s phone….fluffy…

Random #168

Because they don’t extend the straw (?) in the liquid soap all the way to the bottom of the bottle, I add a splash of water to loosen it up. I think my youngest has taken this theory and applied it to other things. Like Listerine. Because I’m noticing that the level is not moving down the bottle AT ALL. AND it’s tasting a little less than strong. The first couple of mornings I thought maybe my sinuses were messing with me. But now I think he’s adding water. I’m going to talk to him about it today (I’ll keep y’all posted). I don’t want this to be a habit. Or when he’s an adult he will start adding water to BBQ sauce…

Random #167

 

Naturals: ever get stuck in the rain? The kind of rain that is super duper wet? Like big splash wet? And you don’t have an umbrella? And your back is hurt so you gotta walk really really slow? In said rain? And when you get inside the house you don’t want to twist your hair? But you know if you don’t you will look like Frederick Douglas in the morning? And you know this because you look like Fredrick Douglas’ wife at the moment?….me neither…

Random #166

Every now and then, as parents, we get glimpses of what our children will look like when they become older. But every once in a while we get a glimpse of the “baby” them. Tonight while watching the oldest (11 years old) play the trumpet, I saw the baby him, who made the same quizzical facial expressions when he was trying to figure something out. And I wanted to cry. Right there in the auditorium. While listening to 50 kids, who never once played the correct note at the correct time, all at the same time…I’m grateful that my boys are growing up. But I miss them being babies. #sappy #mommy

Random #165

Ever have those super tired moments when you can’t move? I made the mistake of sitting on the front porch. I was tired when I sat down, now I’m listening to the rain, and it’s making me sleepier….

I have things to do! I can’t just sit here. I have to iron clothes for tomorrow, look over homework assignment books,….come down off the exhilaration from the 5th grade band concert. Plus I have lemon pie and no coffee…. 

So basically, can someone bring me a cup of coffee….and while you’re here can you cut a slice of pie for me and sit with me a spell on the porch. Then can you iron the clothes? And carry me to my bed? PUHLEEZE?!….

 

Random #164

I have no coffee at home. Desperate this morning, I ran into Speedway (don’t judge me please). Rushing of course. An older gentleman cut in front of me and took up the whole coffee space. AND he took his time pouring his cup. I was about to give it to him Vee style then I evaluated him. You can’t go off on a man that is wearing 1985 loafers with the tassels on them. He’s beyond clueless. He can’t be helped. I prayed for him…

Randoms #163

Sometimes, trying to read really long hashtags makes me feel stupid. I end up putting the wrong letter with the wrong word and I’m like “huh? That’s not a word!”. Hashtags should have rules!…

Random #162

So I have a cute black top with eyelet type sleeves. I put it on this morning and the eyelets ripped. On both arms. I took it off, yelled “HULK SMASH” and kept it moving…