Random #160

The first time I took the oldest to the dentist was an experience. He had so much anxiety, even during the car ride! I explained many times that it was just a checkup, it wouldn’t hurt….when that didn’t work I promised a happy meal and a trip to toys r us. Nope. We get to the dentist and while I am filling out paperwork he is whimpering and whining, clingy (I had a baby in tow as well, who had a whole lot to say in his own language, and also very clingy). We get called back, the nice lady brushes his teeth….he screamed during the whole process. Then here comes the dentist! Oldest screamed bloody murder as the dentist walked toward the chair. It was so bad! No one could calm him down. So as he screamed with his mouth gaping open, the dentist peered in, without any tools, and said “Yeah he looks good. See you in six months”, and ran away….

Random #159

So I gave blood today. My reasons were the free Chipotle gift card and a BOGO movie pass, so I’m pretty sure there is no reward for me in heaven on this. It was my first time giving. First of all, the whole process was about an hour. I figured fifteen minutes, tops. Secondly, the intake lady asked me my race and my gender. She can’t look at me and tell? Was she being shady? Thirdly, they took a WHOLE BAG? What?! I got nervous, like…will I have enough blood to get to Chipotle and the movies? They have to prick your finger first (more blood) to make sure you have enough iron. By the end of the filling of the bag I forgot about the finger prick. When I grabbed my purse, I could not feel that particular finger well….I thought my hands were going numb (the first to go) because I had given so much blood. Nope, it was just the band aid. My arm has an ash mark where I had to roll my sleeve up. The sleeves on this shirt are not meant to be rolled up, as my upper arms are huge and the fore arm part is fitted.  I’m wearing a skirt, and I had to lay on a bed (gurney?) in the middle of the gym floor without giving a show to the ones that were waiting. And when the whole giving was over, the nurse removed the needle and blood splurted everywhere, because apparently, my veins are really giving! I need a nap…If those people in the Chipotle line give me a hard time when I ask for extra cheese it’s going to be a real problem! I went through a lot to get the Chiptotle!…

Random #158

If you share a mutual attraction with someone, but you both know it’s not the best of ideas, is it possible to be “just friends” without crossing any lines?….I’m asking for a friend…

Random #156

So I let some girl at Sephora do my make-up. She was trying to make a sale and I hadn’t had time to put on any that morning so I figured two birds, one stone. Big! Mistake! According to my longtime friend/sis/MUA/creative director/stylist, my “undertone” is yellow and she used pinks. So in the sunlight I was shining like a pink diamond and it wasn’t cute (A friend that was with me, looked at me and laughed. Literally laughed!). If that wasn’t bad enough, my whole face turned red and hive-ish. Never again. NEVER!…

Random #155

So I’m doing the detox water (My fav so far is lemon and cucumber!). I was drinking it whilst delighting myself in a delicious dish of peach cobbler. Brother starts yelling “Why drink detox water if you’re going to eat the cobbler?!”. He was basically being a hater. And was trying to psych me out of my cobbler! I mean, how else will I know if the detox works if I don’t eat that kind of stuff first! Duh!…

Random #154

Listening to the elderly have a conversation during dinner yesterday. Him: Well ya know I have high cholesterol and COPD. Her: Well I have high cholesterol, COPD AND emphysema. Him: ya know you always tryin to one up me! 

I laughed non stop throughout dinner. Just as I tasted the first few bites of a truly delicious dessert he says: I was on that medication but it made me constipated…..my brother tried to explain why we should change the subject…but needless to say, dinner over…

Funny thing I’m pretty sure that’ll be me and my brother in 40 years…

Random #152

The niece needed offering today. So I gave her a quarter. Apparently that is an inappropriate amount for a five year old because the sissy (another auntie to said niece) scolded me before reaching into her purse and handing her a dollar. Then yelled at me not to take my quarter back (which I was because the popcorn in the vending machine at work costs .90 cents…so I need my change…don’t judge). Was I being cheap?

 

Random #151

As I sit here, delighting in my PORK bacon and all it’s crispy goodness, I’m thinking of everyone who has ever said “turkey bacon IS bacon…and it’s just as good as pork bacon”. And all I can think is, “You fools”…

Random #150

Just heard about a guy who stole a car to get to court on time for his hearing…the hearing was for drug possession…and they found drugs in the car…that he stole….to get to court on time…for a drug possession charge….

Random #149

Mornings I have to wake up and go to work are such a struggle. Mornings I’m off, no where to go, I’m up, bright eyed and bushy tailed! Never fails…

Random #147

I’ve been doing so well with this whole eat better/workout thing. Today I brought sauteed spinach and grilled chicken for lunch. Then discovered a whole tray of cookies. The devil stay trying to keep me down. And fat…the peanut butter ones with the jelly topping were my favorite. Don’t judge…

Random #145

The youngest wears deodorant now. He came home the other day smelling like someone had taken him to the king, and I do NOT mean Jesus. That day I had him wash under his arms and use his brother’s deodorant. Boy, did that cause a ruckus! So I went out and bought him his own deodorant. He’s been walking around with it, taking the cap off, smelling it, saying how good it smells. It’s unscented. He told me he’s a man now….meanwhile the oldest is letting everyone know he has hair under his arms. He walks around rubbing those two hairs and smiling. He told me he’s a man now…

Random #144

The bigger your purse, the more crap you find to fill it up, the longer it takes to find the crap you’re looking for in your purse. It never fails…

Random #143

Yesterday on my drive home from work it rained. Hard. I sat in the driveway for about five minutes, hoping it would pass. Finally deciding I couldn’t wait any longer (it’s hard to tell your bladder it’s not full when you’re listening to a waterfall),  I braved the quick run from the car to the safety of my front porch. Each rain drop felt like it’s own bucket, on my head of natural tresses. I was soaked! When I reached the porch and fumbled with my keys two things happened: I realized I had an umbrella in the car that I could’ve used. And the rain stopped… 

Random #141

Today while out, the oldest begins to sing a song (no clue what). All of a sudden, a little girl walks towards him, singing along. They stood together and finished the song, then walked away casually as if it were normal behavior. It looked like a musical. It was pretty cool! I wanted so desperately to join in…I would’ve had hande gestures and arm movements…but I didn’t know the song…

Random #140

I have a friend who is color blind. It’s amazing to watch him name the wrong color…everytime…and by amazing I mean funny…

Random #139

This warm weather makes me wanna BBQ, which brings me to my random: when I was preggo, against my better judgment I went to a BBQ. I had never tasted this man’s culinary skills but I was pregnant, hungry and easily enticed by food. Apparantly, he had no skills because EVERYTHING tasted like lighter fluid. I tasted it in every burp from that day till delivery, and cursed his name everytime! I do not speak to him to this day! If I hear his name, I spit in memory of that lighter fluid infested food! It was a tragic, tragic day…

Random #138

Clearly, I’m on social media too much…I just tried to “like” a text message…

Random #137

In high school, I tried out for the cheerleading squad. I didn’t make it. Shut up…